It’s International Women’s Day so in my last post I wrote about how my mormor (maternal grandma) showed me how to be resilient and cope with changes and uncertainty. The other huge inspiration in my life is my mum. Her strength in coping through tough times, and also her vulnerabilities, taught me how to handle what has come my way. What comes to all of us. No-one has a life with only happiness and candy floss and shiny things (and that would make you feel fairly sick or at least bored after a while…). But we can all learn to cope better and find meaning in our lives. As we learn best through stories and connections, I hope this will help you too.
Mum married my dad without living together first as, of course, was expected in the 1950s. And as sometimes happen when you don’t actually know each other very well when you get married, they divorced when I was only 2 years old. My mum and mormor bought a tiny, terraced house together as mum couldn’t afford it on her own. Mum and mormor worked very hard together to make sure we had food and other necessities. Both of them knew exactly how to just put one foot in front of the other to continue with life when the unexpected happens.
Mum went on to marry this wonderful man that became my stepfather and life was pretty blissful for a while. He was French so mum learnt to cook delicious French food. We had a wine cellar with Bordeaux wine bottles that they smuggled back from France (this was before Sweden joined the EU so there was a limit to how many bottles that were allowed). I learnt to appreciate good wine mixed with water as I was too young to drink. My little brother came along, and mormor lived with us.
Unfortunately, my stepdad got cancer and died very quickly, leaving my mum a widow just before she turned 50 years old, with a young child and me and my older brother too. She told me later that if she hadn’t gotten back to work the day after he died, she didn’t think she would ever have managed to leave the house again.
She still loves and misses him every day but as always, one step at a time, she moved forward. And instead of focusing on herself, she moved into politics. She was driven to do something that had meaning and made some sense to her life again. Over the next 15 years, she became very active and also worked in the Swedish parliament.
When my daughter was newly born, mum came to stay bringing her love, food, looking after my baby so I could have a shower, and a new dress for me. She understood that I wouldn’t fit into my old clothes and that in my overwhelmed, exhausted state I needed something just for myself.
A few years later, I found myself divorced in a new house, and mum was of course there. At 75, she was up on ladders hanging wallpaper with me and painting door frames. Planning and doing things so I would keep on moving forwards, even if a bit wobbly and not so sure of things.
For me, experiencing my mum going through wonderful ups and deep downs taught me that you will survive, and you will thrive again as long as you keep on going, just putting one foot in front of the other as best as you can. Mum, you taught me resilience and coping and feeling hope and love again.
Thank you mum.
P.S. I also learnt that at 50 (and later), you have lots of time to recreate your life if that is what you want. 50 always felt as if something exciting just could be around the corner.
P.P.S. The picture is of mum on her way to winning our town’s gingerbread house competition (competing also against the town architect!) :)